I feel a bit squished right now. I’m feeling busy in that sort of oppressive way that leaves you feeling like your trapped under the weight of the future. If I weren’t getting in some good quality time with the family, this would probably be one of those times where I give into the temptation to get lethargic and waste time watching movies.

For the most part, I’m enjoying this season of life: new baby, the company of good friends, and lots of good activity at Missio Dei. We’re hoping to rent a second (and maybe even a third) community house this summer. Interest in Missio Dei is high and our current community house is full.

Jesus Manifesto is gaining traction every week.  For the first time ever, I am contributing less than 25% of the content, and the content is growing in quality. We’ve had a healthy response to our Pentecost writing competition.  Things are good. I haven’t been writing as much as I’d like, unfortunately…though I do have some great interviews in the works).

Plus Submergent (though we aren’t likely to keep that name) is showing promise (we’re going to have a gathering into July to set some general direction and launch the informal networking to a new level).

I’ve got some speaking engagements this summer. And about 20 folks from Missio Dei (and some of our friends) are road-tripping to PAPA Fest in June where Joshua Kaufman-Horner and I hope to lead a workshop on the coercion of voting and related political issues.

I don’t feel particularly spread thin. I’m doing some amazing ministry–through Missio Dei, Jesus Manifesto, Submergent, and through various speaking and networking opportunities.

So, why do I feel squished? Even though I’m doing what I love and am seeing fruit to my ministry labors, I’m still stuck financially. With a baby, my wife’s part-time teaching income isn’t coming in, and I am not making enough to get by. The sort of groups that invite me to speak don’t usually pay me much, if they pay me anything. My gig last year at Willow Creek was something of a fluke.

I’ve considered getting a regular job, but my earning potential is small and I don’t feel like it would be good to drop some of the things I’m doing to make room for the sort of hours I’d need at a low-paying job.

I’m working on a revamped book proposal (which I had put on hold with the arrival of my son Jonas). I’m very optimistic. There is a lot of interest. Realistically, though, any advance will probably be small and it isn’t very likely that I’ll draw much income from writing.

So what to do? Well, Amy and I are planning on selling our car. We’ve gone car-less before, but we have a baby now, so we’re a bit anxious. But the income from the sell of the car, plus the savings from not having to buy gas or pay for insurance and maintenance, will make a big difference.

And I’m going to do a fundraising push. I think the time might be right to take my fundraising to a new level. In the old days, people didn’t really understand any of the stuff I did…but now lots of folks read Jesus Manifesto and Missio Dei has gained legitimacy. So I’m going to try to raise a bunch of new money–both for my income and for a future ministry center in our neighborhood.

In the meantime, I’ll feel squished.