I’m feeling so emotionally drained right now I can’t even describe it. I’ve only felt this wiped out a few times in my life.

Missio Dei is set to close on a second community house tomorrow (July 23), but the lender (the Mennonite Church Extension Service) is dragging its feet on an issue that I can’t resolve. They basically want something from the city in writing that says we can use the space as we intend. Why is this so hard to get? Because when you are already intending to use the space as intented by city zoning laws, the city isn’t going to issue a formal declaration that they’re ok with you using the space as intended. It is simply assumed.

So we may not close tomorrow because the MCES wants proof that can’t be secured. And that would basically destroy our plans. We already had folks ready to move into that new space, so now–if this doesn’t go through–we’ll basically be in a place where we have to turn folks away (potential members and interns). It would stiffle a lot of the momentum we have building.

Meanwhile, I’m feeling the personal pinch. Fundraising hasn’t produced enough for me to live on (we’ve been in that boat for 4 years). And so, if we can’t figure somethign out with fundraising (or getting some sort of potential job networking emerging Anabaptist leaders to help them plant churches or network with other existing communities), then I’ll have to go get a normal job.

I’m ok with working a real job. I’ve done it before. It is a reassuring and stable place to be. But if I did go work a regular part time or full time job, I’d have to put Submergent stuff (which despite the relative quiet on the website is something that is begining to pick up some real steam), Jesus Manifesto stuff, and my speaking engagements (something I thoroughly enjoy and get to do more and more) on hold. Not to mention my book project (that is already on hold because I had a baby).

I feel like I’m on the brink. I’m not sure it is the brink of something amazing or something else. Please pray. People have told me that I’m one of the most tenacious people they know. They also have told me that I’m one of the most creative people they know. I’ve even been called an organizational genious by someone I highly respect. But right now, I feel wiped out, uncreative, and organizationally comatose. None of those things are helping me pay the bills.

If any of you have any ideas or advice, I’d love to hear them.

Am I the only one who thinks that this is a fishy message to communicate?

Well, the Mennonite Church Extension Service has approved the loan!  So Missio Dei is going to have a second community house in a week if all goes according to plan.

Just a rundown of the house and some needs that we’d like to encourage y’all to help with:

The house, when our work projects are done will include:

• A gathering space for up to 45.
• 5 bedrooms for members of Missio Dei, interns, and recipients of hospitality.
• An office with an exterior entrance.
• A 4 season workshop and food pantry.

Our needs:

We’re anticipating that the costs for renovations (the house is a newer construction that needs some work to finish) will conservatively amount to $15k+. The costs will be less if we can get skilled volunteer labor. These are the finishing projects we have:

• The garage will need to be insulated and have sheetrocked on the lower level, the upper level is already sheetrocked, but will need a bathroom installed, and will need to be painted. The garage has plumbing and electrical roughed in, but to utilize it, both floors will need to be heated, and a simple water heater will need to be installed. The upper level will be used as living space with private bath, and the downstairs will be used as a workshop and food pantry.
• The attic has all the electrical work done already, but needs additional insulation and will need to be sheetrocked and painted. There is plumbing running up to the attic, but we’re not sure if we’ll put in a basic sink/toilet combo or just close that off. The attic will be used as an office and a prayer/small gathering room.
• The basement needs flooring installed.
• The water heater is too small for the house, so we’ll probably install a second water heater of the same size, rather than taking out the existing water heater (which is new).

We’ll need all the regular stuff that a house needs: couches, chairs, beds, dishes, small appliances, curtains, etc.

For our food ministry stuff, we’d like a freezer chest.

Please contact me at mark@missio-dei.com if you can help with any of these things. And, of course, if you’d like to give us a donation, you can do so here.

I’m not exactly sure what to do with this blog space. It is important for me to have space apart from Jesus Manifesto to share stuff…since Jesus Manifesto isn’t mine anymore (it is now a shared project). But I find that it is hard to find time to blog meaningfully here. And so, I’m doing what comes the most naturally…talking about myself.

I thought I’d take some time to share with you 10 things that might surprise you about myself. I encourage you to do the same on your blog.

1. I have a low-level phobia about talking on the phone. Seriously. For some reason I can’t stand talking on the phone and I get anxious when I have to make a phone call. It takes a lot of focus and willpower to make a phonecall. I am able to talk to my wife and a couple other people, but even with them, I find talking on the phone very taxing. This “phobia” doesn’t extend into real world conversations or email. I’m a social guy, so most folks are surprised that I have an issue like this.
2. I listen to conservative talk radio. In particular, I really enjoy listening to Denis Prager. I’m hardly a conservative, but folks like Denis Prager and Michael Medved are much more enjoyable to me than any left-wing talk show host.
3. When I was in high school, my goal was to go to law school and then run for public office. My long-range goal was to run for president in 2024.
4. In my senior picture, I am wearing a cowboy hat, a red-white-and-blue rodeo-style shirt, a “bolo” tie and cowboy boots. I had a rattle snake hat band with a silver buckle on it.
5. Because of #4, my nickname for parts of high school was “Garth.”
6. I am a twin. My fraternal twin (Matthew) lives in Juneau Alaska. I am technically younger, making me the youngest (but largest) of 6 children.
7. When I was around 5 years old, I referred to myself as “Marky Jackson” and wore a glove on my left hand. The glove was a sparkly gardening glove with “friendship beads” glued onto it.
8. There was a period of about a year that I was very enamored with the thinking of John Piper. I actually made a couple people cry trying to convince them of the truthfulness of TULIP. If I have any humility at all now it is because I can remember what it is to be so absolutely certain of something, only later to completely change my mind.
9. On a less-than-light note, part of the reason I was so into strong Calvinist thinking was that it helped me cope with my mother’s death. I spent my late teens taking care of my dying mother by myself. She died when I was 19.
10. Ok, to end on a lighter note…even though I’ve never been much of an athlete, when I was in 9th grade, I could beat all of the other 9th and 10th graders in arm wrestling. There was only one exception: Kenny Covey, but he was held back a year, so I don’t think he counts.

I had a good time. It was an adventure with an 11 week old, but Jonas did fine. The best parts were bonding with some of the folks from Missio Dei and meeting new folks.

Observations:

• For some reason, 32 is old for PAPAfest. I felt like an old man; everyone seemed to be 20. I was a bit surprised by that.
• For some reason, a lot of the “old-timers” and members of older, established communities (like Reba Place and Koinonea farms) found their way to our camp. It made us feel like an older, more established community–which compared to most of the folks there, I suppose we are.
• My session went better than I could have expected. Turn out was good. Conversation was candid.
• I am not looking to clean out all of our gear. We have dust in EVERYTHING.
• I was surprised by how many people from Minneapolis were there…but also surprised at how unconnected we in Minneapolis are.
• I’ve begun to realize that Minnesota breeds people that are a bit more aloof than the sorts of humans bred in other cities.
• Almost everyone was white. There were a handful of black folks. And I think there were like 3 Latinos (not counting the three Latinos in our camp).
• Everyone was more courteous than I expected.
• I’ve never seen so many dreads in one place. Even babies had dreads.
• By the end of the festival, I was ready to go home…but begining to think I could do another week if I had to.

A couple of Missio Dei community members just got picked up for dumpster diving from a local Naked Juice dumpster. We were going to bring some of this juice with us for PAPAfest. Basically, the juice gets thrown out before the expiration date because they can’t make the deliveries in time for them to be profitable. So they throw away hundreds of dollars worth of healthy juice daily.

Thankfully, they were only slapped with a fine, which we’ll all share. But it all still sucks.

Below is a poem I wrote as an exploration of Luke 4:18-19. I call this passage the “Jesus Manifesto,” since it sets Jesus’ agenda for his political/prophetic ministry. It is particularly powerful to me since in Luke/Acts a parallel is made, it seems to me, between this passage and Acts 2, which is the Spiritual birth of the church. So, by strong implication, it is our “manifesto” as well.

Manifesto

Drawing in the hot breath of God,
My shaking lungs sting
Struggling to contain the power of the Almighty.
So I exhale the God-breath,
Upon those awaiting salvation.
Prophesying powerful portents of liberation.
Awakening the imaginations of the dispossessed and downtrodden.

This is my manifesto:

“This is your day, pauper.
Your empty stomachs will be filled with justice
Your lonely pockets will burst with peace.
The Heavenly Banker stocks you account
With cash from the money changers.
No more hanging your head low.
No more thrift store spirituality.
You are the princes of the Kingdom.

Freedom is yours, prisoner.
Your cell bars will turn to noodles.
You’ll exchange the dank dark for golden sunsets.
The New Warden has signed your parole papers
And put the old wardens behind bars.
No more scratching the days into brick walls.
No more false religion shutting out the stars.
Now you sleep under the rising red moon.

Open your eyes, blind-man.
The darkness will be choked by light.
Confusion broken by the sound of a trumpet.
The Holy Physician shows you a new world
While the watchmen are lost in the fog.
No more scratching your eyes in despair.
No more stumbling in perpetual night.
You will bear witness to the edges of the world.

Step out of the shadows, oppressed.
The Principalities will lose their thrones.
The Powers will fall to earth.
The Spirit of God has ended the occupation
While the imperial fleet burns to ash and drifts away.
No more plotting feeble rebellion.
No more struggling against steel and flesh.
For you are free citizens of a peculiar nation.

The old fire have been suffocated
While holy coals smolder,
Purifying the hearts of the people.
I announce the jubilee
Upon those shivering in fear.
Shouting a sermon of shalom
As dawn of the last day breaks upon those he loves.

There are lots of different approaches to intentional community and/or new monasticism. I’ve been able to visit a number of different communities and one of my favorite is the Mustard Seed House in Seattle. They blend Celtic spirituality with learning and international community building. If you are looking for a community to be a part of, and are drawn to Seattle…they have an opening. Find out more here.

Wow. This moved me much more than I would have expected. It shows you how much you can do with very simple effects. Amazing. Sad.

Yesterday, Emergent Village released a survey, asking for input about the future of their organization.

In response I wrote a strongly-worded response that, though an honest attempt to offer my opinion on Emergent Village and its future, was somewhat carelessly worded. To make matters worse, I failed to practice what I preach by doing two things:

1) I did publicly what I should do privately. I should have stated my concerns to folks at EV instead of airing them publicly. That was wrong. And I’m sorry for it. I apologize.

2) I focused too much on my concerns with EV and not enough on those things for which I’m thankful regarding EV.

I’d like to say I came to these conclusions on my own. But I’m kinda thick-skulled. I had to get an upset email from a friend calling me to account. Well, I stand rebuked.